NYC date. With myself.
Ten years ago, I first traveled to the US as an exchange student. It was also the fist time I have ever been abroad . For the entire year. That year I spent endorsing into an American school, hanging out with my American friends and going to church and Disney world and other places with my American family. At the end of the year my world from a idyllic small Kyrgyz village has expanded to the sizes of continents and oceans, my circle of friends extended from one end of the world to another, my musical tastes from Taylor Swift to folk Kyrgyz songs and somehow, I naturally embraced it all. I felt enriched by such diversity of blessings in my life and empowered by all that I found myself to be.
But many years after that first time abroad, I dated some wrong people, who asked me too many times to make choices, about who I am, what I want to be, how I want to live my life and to choose between one pillar of my being and another. Usually such conversations started with “I can’t give you what you deserve” and ended with them sighing: “At the end, you can’t have it all”. And for some time I believed them, because these people were nice to me. They took me out to dates and all, you know 😉 I have made choices that were not true to my heart’s calling, made sacrifices that were called compromises. I gave discounted options for what I deserve or what I thought I deserved. All while waiting.
Waiting for these “important” people to realize how vast my world is, how big my heart is and how wonderful this life is. Until. Well, until, I lost myself. Metaphorically. It took long journeys, dozen countries and quite some time to find myself back. And this fall finally I was fully at home again. So, I took myself out for a date. To the birthplace of endless possibilities. The New York City. I guess, sometimes to remember who you truly are you need to fly 24 hours across the ocean, walk into Bryant Park at the cross-section of 42st street and 5th Avenue right after sunrise and get yourself a large caramel macchiato from Starbucks.
As I sat there sipping it, taking in all gorgeous fall colors, watching Manhattan to wake up and dreaming about my future, the dots finally connected. The person I have been waiting for all along. Has always been there. It always was me. The only person that fully knows who I am and what I deserve. And this time I said to myself out loud: “Guess what? You can have it all”.
And I smiled.
All images are taken in NYC and copyright of PandaDiscovers